Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
