The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
