1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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