Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
