Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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