And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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