Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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