Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
