4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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