Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
