i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
