My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
birth control should be required to get into college
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
