Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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