she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
