god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
