you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
