Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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