help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
