Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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