tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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