I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
