I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
