Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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