i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I puked a lego.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
