You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
