dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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