Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize