Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
