plz talk dirty to me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize