One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
