i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she told me i tasted like america
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
