Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize