If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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