Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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