there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Text me some of your sweat
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize