He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
