If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
