This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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