girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If I had your ass I would rule the world
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
