It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize