Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
