God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
