he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
