I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
