That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
