I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
