I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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