My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
