You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
