Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
