He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
