When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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