Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
