she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
