Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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