I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
