how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
