Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
