We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
