textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
