Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
