home. puking in laundry basket.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize