Sry I called you an 8
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
