u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
