Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
