I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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