Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
