Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize