She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
