The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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