Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this boner is exhausting
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
