I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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