Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
