I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
