life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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