Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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