The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize