I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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