the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize