I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
