I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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