what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
