it wasn't lemon gatorade
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
