I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
