I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
