If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
