Don't make out with my wife yet
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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