my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
