i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize