Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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