well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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