white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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