I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
