So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
