Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
