my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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