Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Houston, we have a squirter
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
