my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
