i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
