I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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