Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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