i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
