The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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