ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
