So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
