it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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