I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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