I CAN MOONWALK!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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