bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
