Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
